Wahh... It's June! And I haven't written to this blog in ages. :L Anyways ... I miss camp. Like I REALLY miss camp. I don't wanna be in school anymore. I don't want to be near civilisation for a while. Man, I really need the time and space to think. I need to get my act straight. I'm changing and I know I'm not changing in a good way. I'm trying my best but nothing seems to be working. Sometimes it makes me think why am I here? Why do I even bother trying? Trying to do this and do that. I just want to go wild and do something crazy. I just need something to get me away. I don't know what's wrong with me man. When I was at camp I was free, light and I was happy. And now with all the things, what with work, pressure, stress, issues I don't know anymore. I need the time and space to call God. Heck, I haven't even talked to him for like a long time. And it's getting annoying. And now I'm even avoiding home group. I don't think I even want to go to church anymore. And I feel that if I try calling God, its like... I will get no response at all. And it's true I don't get any response at all. I just wanna cry and get all the bad things out of my head. I just want them away from me. I'm so disgusting. I feel so weak. I don't know... Like at school I feel like I'm not being myself. It's like I'm laughing and all but I'm not. :/ Something is seriously wrong with me. Man I feel really heavy. And what, with people having problems I just don't know what to say to them. I don't know what to do. And I know I have alot of hatred in me and it's a bad thing. I'm really trying to change that. But sometimes you can't help but not like them. You know? Oh heck, what's the point of writing this all down man. So stupid. ><>
you're my only one...
6/18/2009 10:01:00 PM
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Wahh... It's June! And I haven't written to this blog in ages. :L Anyways ... I miss camp. Like I REALLY miss camp. I don't wanna be in school anymore. I don't want to be near civilisation for a while. Man, I really need the time and space to think. I need to get my act straight. I'm changing and I know I'm not changing in a good way. I'm trying my best but nothing seems to be working. Sometimes it makes me think why am I here? Why do I even bother trying? Trying to do this and do that. I just want to go wild and do something crazy. I just need something to get me away. I don't know what's wrong with me man. When I was at camp I was free, light and I was happy. And now with all the things, what with work, pressure, stress, issues I don't know anymore. I need the time and space to call God. Heck, I haven't even talked to him for like a long time. And it's getting annoying. And now I'm even avoiding home group. I don't think I even want to go to church anymore. And I feel that if I try calling God, its like... I will get no response at all. And it's true I don't get any response at all. I just wanna cry and get all the bad things out of my head. I just want them away from me. I'm so disgusting. I feel so weak. I don't know... Like at school I feel like I'm not being myself. It's like I'm laughing and all but I'm not. :/ Something is seriously wrong with me. Man I feel really heavy. And what, with people having problems I just don't know what to say to them. I don't know what to do. And I know I have alot of hatred in me and it's a bad thing. I'm really trying to change that. But sometimes you can't help but not like them. You know? Oh heck, what's the point of writing this all down man. So stupid. ><>
